A TCI Blog: Finding Housing after Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Written by: David Herrera, Family Advocate

 

As many readers of this blog know, Tu Casa Inc. specializes in serving victims who experience physical and sexual violence in intimate partner relationships. Looking from the outside in, it is often hard to understand the struggles and the pains that most victims face in these abusive relationships. One of the most common questions we typically receive from the general public regarding victims of domestic violence is, “Why do the victims continually go back to their abuser?” Statistics show that, on average, a victim will attempt to leave their abuser an average of 7 times before successfully leaving.[1] Now remember, this is on average, so there are some that make less than 7, but there are also many that make more than 7 attempts before leaving. While there are many reasons why a victim will go back to their abuser, one of the main reasons that exists within the San Luis Valley is the issue of homelessness.[2]

What many victims of domestic violence discover after finding the bravery to leave their abuser is just how disabled they have become when it comes to their finances. Many abusers are known for their physical, verbal and psychological abuse, but many do not see the economic abuse that takes place in many intimate partner relationships where abuse is occurring. In the midst of other types of abuse that are going on, the victim doesn't usually realize that they have succumb to economic abuse – in that the abuser is controlling the finances.[3] In most abusive relationships, the abuser is in control of the bills for housing and food, and is also in charge of other major financial decisions. This is a form of control and abuse that goes undetected by many victims. It is, of course, not until they decide to leave their abuser that they are put in a position where they need to restart their entire life.

Many victims do not have a full-time job (if they have one at all), or all of their money has typically been going to their abuser. In leaving an abusive relationship, they are suddenly faced with having to restart their entire life with a new place to live, furniture, dishware, utensils, clothing, toiletries, etc.[4] The financial burden of making deposits for utilities is crippling, but that is just the beginning. In the San Luis Valley, the 3 most prominent property rental vendors not only charge a security deposit, but also require the first and last month's rent. As the financial scope of leaving an abuser begins to become unaffordable, the victim is often forced to have to make the difficult decision to move back in with their abuser. This begins a deeper cycle of abuse as abusers will use the thought of financial security as a greater form of abuse as a way to trap the victim in the relationship. To the victim, escape from their abuser truly becomes a hopeless effort.

This is why it is essential that we are doing work to be a voice for victims in our county, to our state legislature and nationwide in our congress and senate. We need to vote, and write our representatives to ensure that victims are being taken care of. Local programs like ISST (Individualized Service and Support Teams), COVA (Colorado Organization for Victim Assistance), as well as national programs like VOCA (Victims of Crime Act)  need financial support so that programs like Tu Casa Inc. have access to funds in order to assist victims into getting started on a new life with housing. This is especially necessary in a climate where everything is so expensive when starting from scratch. To find out more about funding and how you can be of assistance in writing senators and public servants so that you can make a difference, please reach out to us at info@slvtucasa.net , or call us to 719-589-2465.


[1]https://vpfw.com/blog/why-it-takes-women-7-attempts-to-leave-an-abusive-relationship/

[2]https://www.thehotline.org/resources/get-help-50-obstacles-to-leaving/

[3]https://survivingeconomicabuse.org/what-is-economic-abuse/

[4]https://www.relavate.org/counseling-help/2018/11/26/starting-over-how-to-rebuild-your-finances-after-escaping-a-financially-abusive-relationship