Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month (TDVAM) has arrived again. Let’s
talk about how to support teens in our community who may be experiencing Teen Dating Violence.

It’s a common misconception that teens can’t experience dating violence, but it’s very much a real occurrence amongst teens, and often goes unidentified. 1 in 3 teens experience some form of dating abuse and many of these cases start with emotional or digital abuse. Teens are more susceptible to dating violence as they are starting to develop a sense of identity, boundaries, and their sense of the digital world. 

Abuse in these relationships can include emotional, physical, sexual, and another less recognized form of abuse that isn’t talked about enough - digital abuse. Digital abuse can sometimes go unrecognized because it is not talked about enough, and it is likely to be normalized. Digital abuse can include everything from a partner controlling a person’s social media, sending negative messages through digital networks such as Facebook or Instagram, keeping tabs on the survivor through social media platforms, sending unwanted explicit messages or photos, insisting that they should have your passwords, or going through your phone without permission. Digital abuse for teens can be difficult to deal with, especially because of its normalization in today's day and age and because abuse, in general, can be hard to talk about. 

If someone is experiencing digital abuse, they should first know that no one deserves to be mistreated. Let’s remember jealousy is not love, control is not care, and access to someone’s phone is not a right. If a partner makes you feel anxious, afraid, pressured, or constantly on edge, something isn’t right. You have the right to set boundaries regarding your phone, messages, or even social media. If something your partner does makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s okay to address it and even tell a trusted and safe adult. 

Navigating healthy relationships during this digital age can seem intimidating but we can still learn how to do so. Healthy relationships should include respect, trust, and boundaries both online and offline. Technology should make communication easier. Teens can practice recognizing that communication should feel supportive, boundaries should be honored, trust should exist without constant check-ins, consent comes first and should be ongoing, and conflict should be handled with respect. For teens, learning these skills takes practice and it is crucial for them to learn these healthy habits early on since how they love and let others love them will usually follow them into adulthood. It’s okay to make mistakes while figuring out what feels right, as long as there is mutual respect and safety.

How can trusted adults and communities help address this issue?

Luckily, there are many resources available to help teens who may be experiencing this. One of which is Tu Casa, Inc., which offers a variety of advocates, resources, and preventative education to help teens who have been affected by teen dating violence. Amongst that, what communities can do better to help teens is to first acknowledge that dealing with teen dating violence, especially digital abuse, is not as simple as just blocking someone. While blocking can be helpful, it doesn’t solve the issue. We can help teens by realizing that digital abuse is just as real as in-person abuse, asking non-judgmental questions, understanding that this can be a very scary situation for teens, and talking about boundaries.

Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month isn’t only about statistics; it’s about real teens navigating real relationships in a digital world. By naming the warning signs, challenging harmful norms, and having honest conversations about technology and control, we can help teens recognize the difference between healthy love and harmful behavior. Regardless of age, love shouldn’t hurt online or offline.