by Marisol Raya-Trejo Family Advocate
Talking about domestic violence and sexual assault is difficult enough.
When someone we care deeply about is in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, it’s natural to feel helpless, heartbroken, or even angry. You might want to step in and “fix” the situation, pull them out, or make decisions for them. But supporting a survivor—especially when they’re someone close to you—requires empathy, patience, and respect for their autonomy.
When someone we care deeply about is in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, it’s natural to feel helpless, heartbroken, or even angry. You might want to step in and “fix” the situation, pull them out, or make decisions for them. But supporting a survivor—especially when they’re someone close to you—requires empathy, patience, and respect for their autonomy.
Here are some ways you can meaningfully support a loved one who is surviving abuse:
A seemingly small, but important step is to start by listening to your loved one without judgment and most importantly, believing them. An additional must is respecting their autonomy, and best help is knowing about the resources available so you can keep them informed.
Remember, if they have the trust to tell you about their situation because they are either going through physical, mental, emotional, or financial abuse, do your best not to blame them. Don't judge them and ask them questions like “Why haven’t you left him/her?” What we need to do in this situation is to let them cry if they need to. Just being present without judgement and listening, shows you care.
You might be witnessing a loved one getting hurt, how unhealthy their relationship is, and that fear of maybe losing them forever crosses your mind. At the end of the day it is their decision to stay or to go. Something we have to understand is that sometimes it is not so clear and simple or easy for them to leave the relationship. Survivors often face complex barriers to leaving—fear, financial dependence, children, love, trauma bonding. Your role is not to pressure them but to walk beside them no matter what they choose.
This does not mean that you have to know all of the answers or act as their therapist, but having the resources for them to get the help they need and encouraging them to call and reach out is a good starting point. Some of the local resources available are Tu Casa, Inc. and law enforcement. Tu Casa, Inc. is a great resource in the San Luis Valley because they offer crisis intervention, safety planning, advocacy and shelter services, as well as protection orders and help filling divorce papers. Their services are free and confidential! Calling 911 may still be necessary. Survivors also have the right to seek protection orders and legal support.
Your love, patience, and belief can be a lifeline to someone trying to navigate an abusive relationship. Even if it doesn’t feel like you’re doing much—just being there, just listening, just believing—can mean everything.
No one deserves to face abuse. And no one should have to face it alone.
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